Secret Confessions of a Social Network Rejecter

reject You’d be hard-pressed to find a 30-year-old American who is not connected on at least one social network. While on vacation a few weeks ago, I came across that man. A dinosaur among men. Below is a brief Q&A on why a seemingly “normal” person would choose to turn their back on a digital revolution that is being embraced by the masses. I anticipate a healthy debate in the comments section below,

Q: Why have you chosen to shut social networks out of your life?

A: I don’t see the need. If I want to share something with someone, I will arrange a meeting, pick up the phone, or, if I’m very busy, send them an email.

Q: What led to your decision?

A: It was never a conscious decision. Quite frankly, I’m not very fond of talking about myself so I never saw the need to sign up. I’m very happy with my life and have no need to say to the world, “Look at my job. My wife. My kids. My house. My car.” Social networks are all about ME, ME, ME.

Q: That’s a pretty grim outlook, no? What about people who are looking to reconnect with people from their past?

A: I am willing to bet that in the majority of cases, people do not truly want to re-establish a relationship, they merely want details so they can fool themselves into believing that are doing better than the next guy. It’s rat race 2.0. Social media has taken self-importance and turned it from a beast into a full-blown monster. The monster has grown so big, that people don’t even realize what they are doing and why. But what do I know – I wasn’t a pysch major or anything.

Q: Has anything else contributed to your self-imposed social network ban?

A: We all knew Big brother would be watching us, but I’m not sure any of us expected that we would create him! Pick up any Ayn Rand, George Orwell or Aldous Huxley novel and you will find dystopia; places where oppression rules and every move is tracked. We can debate the oppression part, but the tracking, well, that’s here – and we created the beast. I don’t care if someone I know is at the Starbucks on the corner “checking in,” there’s no good reason to geotag your life.

Q: How do you respond to people who think you are just a “hater?”

A: I don’t hate social networks, they are just not for me. That doesn’t make me any better or worse than the next guy. I respect people’s decision to engage the way I hope they respect mine to stay away. I do seem to be part of an ever-shrinking minority for my age range. I have recently found that telling people I am not on Facebook, has spawned interesting conversations. I might be more memorable for NOT being online.

Q: Do you consider yourself a sociable person?

A: I’m not the most outgoing person in the world, but I am generally comfortable speaking with people and am confident that I am fairly well liked. I do not allow my life to cross-over online, which is one of the reasons I am choosing to remain anonymous. I can count my real friends on both hands.

Q: When did you make the decision to ban social networks for your life?

A: It wasn’t anything conscious. I believe in looking forward, not back.

Q: Do you think your decision will hurt your future career/life prospects?

A: I honestly don’t. I work at maintaining my relationships offline, so while I might not “know” as many people, I am confident that the people I do know will be able to help.

Q: So will we ever find you on Facebook?

A: Never. Not if I win the lottery; not if I bag Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston at the same time. It’s just not for me. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

While the social media rejecter has opted to remain anonymous, he will be monitoring this thread for a limited time and responding to questions.

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  • Guesty McGuestboy
    There's really no good reason to be on FB, or heaven forbid, Twitter. I personally resisted FB for a long time because I never saw the need until my wife kind of pushed me into it, so I'm not speaking from a position of not having an FB account. But I rarely post anything, because I still don't see the need. I just don't consider anything I have to say so interesting that everyone I know has to hear it. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm a technological neo-Luddite. If I think something is important for some of my friends to know, I'm more than happy to email, text, or phone someone, but it's pretty rare that I think my opinion is so important that I have to inform everyone.

    As to the desire to reconnect with people from my past, I tend to think there's a reason those people are in my past and not my present. If they shared my interests or beliefs, they would be a part of my life now, right?
  • Anonymous?
    The gist: "As long as I remain anonymous, sharing my thoughts on the internet is totally different."

    Why bother with this ironic online interview? Reveling in the attention that came as a result of criticizing a system that revolves around reveling in attention. You're a fancy little conundrum, my friend.
  • smee3
    I wonder why people feel attacked by this. I use social media, but have also happily gone through periods where I did not, and do see the appeal. Surely time and energy I put into it may be often better spent elsewhere, studying harder, applying for more new opportunities, training to run 8 marathons, whatever....but the time I save having all contacts at my fingertips may negate the previous. Who knows, but I don't see why he is "a dinosaur" if he has a cell phone and email.
  • TV Journo
    I'm not sure that the self-centered aspect of Facebook is universal. In my read-only experience, it seems that some people are self-absorbed while others are not, just as in the general population. But I can really relate to the absence of a need. I started to sign up on FB just to monitor my teenager's life, but stopped short as soon as I started receiving unsolicited invitations from people I barely knew. I realized I just didn't have a need to be on Facebook and I know I'm not alone. I think with every new technology there is an "immature phase" of adoption, followed by a more "grown-up" implementation that addresses an actual need, if one exists. I think Facebook has peaked.

    I will add, however, that I am on LinkedIn, with a fully-developed profile that I think helped me land a job after prolonged unemployment. A specific, targeted need.
  • Djravek
    I commend this person for their stand-point. It is a valid perspective, in my opinion, and one that I have thought about making myself. I remember when we used to have to interact with people, face-to-face, and find my skills in this arena have deteriorated. I am one of those people who have given up television, and am about to drastically minimize the time I spend addicted to my electronic lifestyles, to focus more on actually living in reality. Kudos to this person!
  • I completely respect this man's decision not to use social media. But I would disagree that it's about nothing but ME, ME, ME!

    Yes, I share thoughts on social media, but I also like to read what other people are thinking, too.

    Even so, I understand his reluctance to use it. We all have different thresholds of tolerance for online sharing. Clearly, his threshold is lower than mine and many other people's. That doesn't make his attitude wrong or snobbish.
  • Just wonderin
    "Palmer Reuther"
    Please give examples of your personal details on Facebook being "Us, Us, Us." Everything digital should be quantifiable as possible, right.
  • Absurdity
    Hey, social network defenders. Why so hostile? His decision doesn't affect yours.

    Militant Facebook users are the cwaziest peoples.
  • Guest
    I think it has more to do with his condescending perception of the whole thing. He thinks he's better than everyone.
  • Saree Blouse Designs
    Nice post and thanks sharing.
  • The guy is dead-on right.
  • Guest
    This guy's position - his thinking on the matter - is the ridiculous equivalent of saying, "I'm not going to use a phone." Social media is simply a mode of communication, and a very efficient one at that, not to mention non-invasive! You use it when you want to use it, as much or as little as you want to use it. I can find a better argument for ditching my cell phone than I can for ditching facebook. And as for the "FB bullying going on" (yeah we all saw the South Park video) - please!!! - REALLY? Are you kidding me??? Weak. It's just that when some things are plainly and obviously beneficial to most - it's hard to understand why someone would be so strongly intent on rejecting it. It's a typical counter-culture mindset... "Everyone out there is doing it/ they're this way... but I'm not that.... I'm above it all." (translation = "I'm too cool for facebook.") Facebook, for the most part, is about sharing - not about bragging. Of course, there exists bragging on fb - just like in life in general. This is the same guy that won't go to a high school reunion, I bet.

    And the fact that he can count on his hands how many good friends he has is, I'm sure, is directly as a result of him not caring all that much to connect with people (beyond a very tight group) on a regular basis... which is really what it boils down to for him, and many other people I'm sure. But I think that most of us realize that life is all about relationships, and nurturing those relationships... for which fb is a remarkable, fabulous, efficient, easy, fun, and free tool. Who can argue with something as good as that?

    Yeah, there are at least a few of these type of people in most of our lives - however they're just usually older, or of an older mindset, or in a profession that keeps them away from being in front of a computer much of the day... or they fear Big Brother will take over via fb (that is what I refer to as a self-centered position/line of thinking... and to that line of thinking - you shouldn't use a banks). But you know, there will always be these types. And there is one person I know who still doesn't use a cell phone -- my 87 year-old grandfather. So yes, the non-adopters will always be out there... as few as they may be.
  • Guest2
    So having a 1,000 Facebook friends means that you have 1,000 close friends who lay down their life for you? Easy to judge someone by one post/article, eh? Well, now I'm giving the same judgement to you.
  • Guest
    "I'm not on Social Networks" is the new "I don't watch TV." You sound like a hipster, and you're missing out on a guilty pleasure while the rest of us indulge. You don't have to provide all of your personal information either.

    Good on you for your social free lifestyle, I guess I'm gonna go post about "ME, ME, ME" and make sure I'm "better than the next guy."
  • Guest
    "you're missing out on a guilty pleasure while the rest of us indulge" = YOUR view.

    Why command every person on the planet to have to be like you. Not everyone sees the same. HAS social media NOT taught you that????
  • Guest
    Where is the "commanding" you speak of? Call me Big Brother, bro.
  • Palmer Reuther
    This is a great example of perception vs. reality about social networking. They're certainly not all about "Me, Me, Me" or "proving something to someone." They're more about us, us, us and easing communication between individuals, brands, communities etc. Andrew, I'm suprised he gave you the nod to post this on a blog... another one of the many evils of the digital revolution.
  • We all have one or 2 of these in our lives. I commend this person for sticking with what he believes. Lots of FB bullying going on where some people are just forced because all their friends bully them into it
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