Leora Israel currently performs business development for Speaklike.com. Follow her @leoraisrael.
Social Media has created a whole new set of interactive dilemmas. This morning when I went to DM (direct message) someone with whom I thought I was in a mutual follow relationship with on Twitter, I got the sad reality check that they don’t follow me back! You can only send a private message to someone via Twitter if they are following you.
Social media has made socializing a bit more complex with new rules of engagement. With the new complexities comes new questions:
- If you are friends with someone in real life, but their tweets annoy you, is it acceptable to unfollow them? Should you give them notice or warning beforehand?
- How do you ask someone without looking like a social media loser, why they are not following you? Especially since you can’t send those people a private message on Twitter. Should you publicly ask them why? Or send some @ message their way hoping it strikes up a conversation that leads to them following you?
- Should you unfollow them as well, or continue to follow them because you enjoy their tweets even after finding out they don’t enjoy yours…
- Is unfollowing on Twitter the same as unfriending someone on Facebook? I would assume not given that on Facebook you cannot have one sided friends.
I decided it best to just flat out ask what the deal was from a few Tweeps. So far one responded saying that he simply cannot follow what everyone is doing and decided to only follow people he interacts with daily. Hard to believe he interacts daily with 400+ people, but it is true we have fallen out of touch. Also, my tweets for the most part aren’t relevant to him, so I shouldn’t take offense, right?
People unfollowing you is one issue, but how about those folks who don’t follow you back to begin with? A lot of people, such as myself, opt to not get email notifications when people follow them simply because it crowds their inbox. For this reason it’s always a good idea to send an @ message saying hi to them after following so they know who you are and also have the opportunity to engage with you. This hopefully leads to them following you back.
What is the proper way to request that someone follow you back so that you can send them DMs?
Should you flat out say “@allnick I want to DM you, so follow me back please”? Perhaps it would be better to take the more subtle approach and comment on one of their recent tweets?
If you’re curious to know those people who you are following but who are not following you back, check out http://www.friendorfollow.com. It will show all your non followers with their icons so you can visually see who doesn’t like you. The one downside is that they don’t provide links to unfollow those people and you have to manually click on each person’s twitter page to unfollow them.
Then I realized that Twitter provides a way to do this seamlessly but without the cute graphic. If you sign into twitter and go to http://twitter.com/friends you can see who you follow and if the option to Direct Message them isn’t next to their name it means they don’t follow you back. Then with one simple click you can unfollow them without leaving the page.
Now that Twitter is becoming so popular and mainstream, the way people use their Twitter accounts will most likely change. We are only beginning to figure out the rules and mores involved on Twitter and other social media platform so I guess it would be best to keep our egos in check and not let unfollowing bother us.
Have you ever felt frustrated after seeing that someone isn’t following you back? What do you think the rules of engagement should be?
@oprah doesn’t follow me, but @god does, so I guess I can’t be that upset!
Add New Comment
Viewing 10 Comments
Thanks. Your comment is awaiting approval by a moderator.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
People feel flattered that other people are following them, but that's completely worthless if the people following you aren't reading your posts. @replying is the way to go, because it calls specific people's attention to what you're saying.
Also, now that there are apps like TweetDeck that you can use to make curated subgroups of your followers, only so many people are really being "followed" anyway, regardless of what people's following counts say.
Twitter Karma allows you to see everyone you're following who isn't following you back and mass unfollow them (or mass FOLLOW everyone that's following you, if you're in that mood).
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
At any rate, I think its important to remember people use Twitter for different reasons. At the same time, I think it'll be interesting to see these how the usage of Twitter, and thus Twitter itself, evolves. In the meantime, follow me. @chrisabad :)
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
I will also admit that I've had friends unfollow me. Yes, real friends who I used to live with, would do anything for and have their cell numbers in my phone. Confession--it hurts a bit to know they unfollowed me. At the same time, it doesn't mean we're not still friends in real life, which bottom line is what's most important.
Worrying about how many people are following you on Twitter is a waste of time and energy, in my opinion. At what point did social media replace real relationships? Just because I'm not following someone on Twitter doesn't mean I hate them.
The beauty of Twitter is that it has the ability to be different things to different people. So what makes one person's way of using it better then another? Just because someone uses it for marketing/branding/work purposes doesn't mean I have to do the same.
Great questions Leora! Very interested to hear what others have to say.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
To me, it is more important to engage with the people who are following you and the ones that you follow whom you find interesting. Twitter is only a small slice of real life -- seems like we all need a perspective check every now and then, no?
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
I also think it's a little pathetic to read people's @ replies to others, saying "hey! why aren't you following me? look at me. why don't you love me?" If you really need to interact with someone, and they are not following you, just @ reply to them, say that you wanted to send a private msg but couldn't, and could they DM you their email address (provided that you are following them, they can send you a DM). If they want to interact, they will find a way. Alternatively, try to connect with this person on FB. I am pretty sure you can receive messages from ppl you aren't friends with on FB. And no, unfollowing on Twitter is not the same as unfriending on FB, but these things mean different things to different people.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
For friends, or people who you perceive as friends, it is more difficult, since you would think that your online relationships would mirror your real life relationships. So, in some cases, it could be surprising or even insulting that they aren't following you. I would agree that the best approach in this case would be to talk with them about it.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Add New Comment
Trackbacks